This was originally written for my Book of Shadows in 2003.
Leaves & Lake
Beauty
What is beauty? Is it some standard of physical perfection as defined by societal standards or is it some universal truth? Do we actually believe that underage, undersized, models are beautiful? If so, do we believe they are beautiful because we’ve been told often enough to believe it? What is beauty to you? Unquestioned acceptance of society’s definitions of beauty are too limiting from my point of view. And the current standards do not take into account the intangibles of Presence, Style, Grace, Personality, Wit, Charm, Sparkle or Vibrant Health. The insipid, skeletal beauty of the plasticene, air-brushed model leaves me cold. I do not want to be that and I do not want to encourage that image.
Feeling Good by Dr. Burns
The first most effective spell for beauty is self-esteem. I know you’ve probably heard that before, but even the most beautiful person can be ignored if they do not believe they are beautiful. (They also tend to neglect important things like personal hygiene). There are dozens of books on the market about self esteem I recommend Dr. Burns “Feeling Good.” I also recommend work, school, athletic or other goal oriented pursuits. Nothing builds self-esteem as quickly as success (in my opinion).
The second most effective spell for beauty is to work out on a regular basis, not to lose weight necessarily, but to become the most fit and vibrant person you can be. There’s something about the man or woman who works out. They have a bounce in their step and ability to do and more stamina than the normal couch potato. The key to exercise is to do more than one type, to integrate activity into your life.
The third most effective spell (sorry, still isn’t a real spell) is to figure out what your personal style is. By style I mean, how you dress, what you like, who you enjoy being with. Clothing, accoutrement and other things do say something about you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you have to spend a lot of money. It isn’t about that. Heck I drove a 1976 Grand Torino around from 1989-1995 because I was too broke to buy anything else. But I tried to keep it clean and it eventually became a sort of trademark. People would know I was at the party because of my distinctive (albeit run-down) car.
Tim Gunn's Guide to Style
Style begins on the inside. What clothes make you feel good, beautiful, hell-on-wheels, effective, or exotic? What are you trying to say with your clothes and in the words of Phil McGraw, “how’s it working for you?” Shopping at second hand stores is a good thing. Think of it as recycling. Look for cheap but good accessories everywhere. There are many good books about clothing and style on the market. I have thoroughly enjoyed Tim Gunn: A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style by Tim Gunn, Dressing Rich by Leah Feldon, The Bombshell Manual of Style by Laren Stover, and any book by Edith Head the big time Hollywood fashion designer of the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Many books on style can be found in your local library on this topic.
The three effective non-spells above are the only permanent way I know to achieve true beauty regardless of what you’ve been gifted with physically. However, I do know a way to create a kind of glamour temporarily.
Glamour
A glamour is an illusion that is based in reality. It is a way of making people see what you want them to see. It does not change hair color, but it can hide flaws or imperfections. By concentrating on what you want people to see (the good) you camouflage the bad. Women use this in a straightforward manner when they choose clothes that emphasize their best qualities.
Ruby Slippers
My first glamour came about because of a pair of shoes. I loved them. They were 4 1/2 inches high and had 2 braided straps, one across the toes, and one across the top of the foot. I knew they made my feet look good. I was obsessed in my thoughts with how my feet looked. It projected. I projected those thoughts that I had absolutely perfect feet (and they are nice feet) outward towards those around me. I was in college and hung out with a group of guys on a regular basis playing RPGs. Not once had they ever commented on my feet. The day of the glamour we met up to play games and they started commenting individually and quietly. It was not just because I was wearing unique shoes; it was also because I had my feet in the front part of my head. The thought that I had great feet pulsed with my thoughts and ran like background music in my thoughts. It was not a conscious thought, but a substratum throb.
I realized later that I could choose one piece of my physical self and by making this good part really stand out all the rest was perceived as perfection also. Feet, necks, breasts, legs, eyes, any body part can be made the focus. My original glamour efforts were towards attracting men. Now I know that glamours can be used during any human-to-human interaction. A glamour is one part self-belief, one part projection, and one part delusion. Another part of the shoe glamour was BELIEVING I was beautiful, desirable and absolutely the best thing on the planet.
Herbs for Crafting
Music can be very influential in putting on the glamour. Preparation, bathing, ritual and dressing up can be useful for bringing the glamour together. A glamour is not an everyday, day in and day out kind of thing. Use it sparingly. If used everyday it would lose its impact and vigor.
A Puerto Rican friend of mine told me once that women from his island would dress nice, but not all the way to the nines everyday. That way when they really wanted the guy to notice they had some room for improvement. Wear makeup lightly, wear comfortable clothes and be at home in your own skin. Then when you want the glamour the attention, the spotlight you can put on all the makeup, shoes and clothes and then focus. Choose one spectacular part of yourself, the curve of your neck, the length of your legs. Focus; think about how beautiful that part of you is. Picture the attention being focused there. And amazingly that is the part that will start the attention, and the rest of the package will be considered astounding.
Eventually I learned to use glamour in job interviews. Before going I would meditate on how I was competent and professional and pushing that visualization out towards the interviewers. This time it wasn’t a specific body part but an overall image adjustment. I wanted them to see the aura of competence. I have used this technique on many occasions and for many reasons. Do I want to seem polite, worthy, smart, charming, knowledgeable? I have used it with all kinds of people, shop clerks, men, women, children, mechanics… I have not yet figured out how to make it work with animals, perhaps because they do not have the ability to self-deceive. I wonder if people know that they see, only what they choose to see, or what is chosen for them to see.
Saw Whet Owl with Mouse
The reality is YOU make your own reality. Who do you want the world to see? What do you want people to focus on? Make the choice yourself.
In the picture on the left, are you focusing on the tree, the owl, or the mouse?
Lirala's Letters 